1. CARTOON BY RANDY GLASBERGEN
Anyone remember Miss "Buggy" Moore who taught biology class? If so, you MUST pop-up this cartoon by professional cartoonist Randy Glasbergen for a giggle. (A link to Randy's web site is also included in the pop-up.)

(Click HERE for the cartoon.)

 
2. QUOTES FROM FAMOUS PEOPLE
Here are the famous people (in order) who are quoted in this section:

George Burns, Victor Borge, Grocho Marx, Jimmy Durante, Jilly Cooper,
Zsa Zsa Gabor, Alex Levine, Henry Youngman, Bob Hope, Kirk Douglas,
Louis L'Amour, Robert Orben, Charles Schlultz, Joey Adams, Shelly Winters.

(Click HERE for their quotes.)

 
3. ANONYMOUS QUOTES
Sometimes people send me funny quotes via email and I don't know who created them. If I feel they tickle my own sense of humor, they are listed here. Here are a few examples:

• You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.
  
  
• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
  
  
• Just when you're getting used to yesterday, along comes today.
  
  
• Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

 
4. THE BAKED BEANS STORY
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. Then, one day the man met a woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he told himself, "She is such a sweet and gentle woman; she would never go for this kind of carrying on." So, he made the supreme sacrifice -- he gave up beans. And they were married shortly afterwards.

(Click HERE to learn what later happened to this man.)

 
5. YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM WHATCOM COUNTY IF . . .

• Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
  
  
• You know several people who have hit deer (with their vehicles) more than once.
  
  
• Your "vacation" means going to Canada for the weekend.
  
  
• You measure distance in hours.
  
  
• You know all four seasons: "almost winter, winter, still raining, and construction."
  
  
• You often switch from "heat" to "air conditioning" in the same day.

 
6. WHY COMPUTERS SOMETIMES CRASH
Techies will especially love this "Dr. Seuss-like" poem that explains why computers sometimes crash (author unknown). It starts like this:

      If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
      and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort,
      and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
      then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

(Click HERE to read the whole poem.)

 
7. SIR GAWAIN AND THE WITCH
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered Arthur freedom - if Arthur could answer a very difficult question. The monarch gave Arthur a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, Arthur still had no answer, the monarch would put Arthur to death. The question was: "What do women really want?"

(Click HERE for the rest of the story.)

 
8. THE POPE, BILLY GRAHAM, AND ORAL ROBERTS
The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the Pacific ocean. They all died and went to heaven together.

"Oh, this is terrible," exclaimed St. Peter. "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happens. Because we weren't expecting you, your quarters aren't ready. We can't take you in, and we can't send you back. . ."

"Well, we just can't hang out in limbo," one of the newly departed said. "You gotta put us somewhere," he added and the others nodded in agreement.

(Click HERE to see where St. Peter sent them.)

 
9. THE WAYSIDE CHAPEL
An Englishwoman, while in Switzerland, looked at several rooms in a large apartment house. She told the schoolmaster who owned the house that she would later let him know about renting one of the rooms. After she arrived back at her hotel, it occurred to her that she hadn't asked about the water closet (the "bathroom" to we Americans). Being too bashful to write out the words "water closet," she immediately wrote a note to the schoolmaster asking about the "W.C." The Swiss schoolmaster, far from an expert in English terms and abbreviations, didn't know what the initials "W.C" meant. He asked the parish priest, and together they decided it meant "Wayside Chapel." The schoolmaster then wrote the following letter to the very surprised woman.

Your Ladyship:
I take great pleasure in informing you that the W.C. is located seven miles from the house in the center of a beautiful grove of pine trees. The W.C. is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays only.

(Click HERE to read ALL of his letter.)

 
10. LIFE'S SIMPLE TRUTHS (SOMETIMES)
Although often startling, this section offers some oldies, but goodies, that you may have heard before, including these simple truths:

• Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
  
  
• Everyone has photographic memory; not everyone has film.
  
  
• Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
  
  
• Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

 
11. A CAT'S HEAVEN
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at Heaven's gate and said, "You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking."

The cat thought for a minute and then said, "All my life I've lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on."

God smiled and said, "Say no more." Instantly, the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at Heaven's gate and gave them the same offer He'd made to the cat.

(Click HERE to read the REST of this story.)

 
12. JULIE ANDREWS' REMAKE OF "SOUND OF MUSIC"
To commemorate Julie Andrews 69th birthday (October 1st), she made an appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed was "My Favourite Things" from the legendary movie, "The Sound of Music."

. . . But, she'd changed the lyrics to be:

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines all tied up in strings,
These are a few of my favourite things....

Cadillacs, cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent, false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts, and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favourite things....

When the pipes leak, when the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favourite things,
And, then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favourite things....

Back pains, confused brains, and no need for sinning',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinning',
And, we wont mention our short, shrunken frames,
When we remember our favourite things.

When the joints aches, when the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And, then I don't feel so bad.

Note: The standing ovation that Ms. Andrews received from the crowd lasted over four minutes, and she gave repeated encores.